Last night Echo cried for an hour straight.
I tried everything; I changed his diaper, I rocked him, burped him, nursed him... gave him a pacifier, made him gripe water, gave him a massage.. checked his body for anything that might hurt... held him in 90 different positions. Nothing "worked". He just kept crying.
I was being so triggered. From not being able to calm him, my mind was reeling... I wondered if he didn't love me... if my energy was "bad" and was aggravating to him.. If I did something "wrong"?
I decided that I was going to look at him, connect in with his energy, and try to be open to any messages that I could receive as to why he was crying and what I could do to help...
I looked at him and allowed myself to take him in; his energy, his expression, his pain. I realized that he was emotionally struggling with this huge transition.... I am used to being here, in this realm... in this body. I know how to work my arms and legs. I am familiar with my family. He's not. He's so new. Stepping into this realm, he stepped out of another. He left his identification with his energy body and stepped into a physical one that he has no idea how to work. He left being in direct contact with his spirit guides, and his family and friends who are currently in spirit form.
He misses them. He misses the subtly of the astral experience. He is struggling with his heavy, burdened physical body... A body that can get rashes and owwies and stomach aches.
I realized that there was nothing I needed to "fix". I realized that him crying didn't mean that I did something wrong. It didn't mean that there was something wrong with him.
The experience he is going through is HARD. It isn't like death, it is death. It's death of his experience in the astral world and it is just as emotionally difficult as death from the physical world. It is a separation not just from the form he knows, but from the connections that he knows. Yes, he chose us, and yes, he chose to come here. But it doesn't make it easy... it doesn't mean that he is going to immediately feel that love and trust for me that comes with shared time and experience.
I realized that all he needed me to do was to hold him, support him, and let him process. There was no need to distract him away from his feelings.
I also realized that this was my blessing and my opportunity to stand up and support my babe... I told him, "it's okay Echo, you cry as much as you need to. I will be here with you."
Crying is something that we are so uncomfortable with. When we hear crying, we automatically think that there is something that needs to be fixed, that there is something that is WRONG... What an unhealthy relationship that is with our own emotions. In this experience, heavy emotions will enter our energy field and that is OK and expected. What is not healthy is not allowing ourselves to feel them. It keeps them trapped in our field and, after time, manifests as emotional, physical, and mental ailments.
Why have we become so collectively afraid of difficult emotions? Why are we so triggered? I had an entire mental soundtrack of my own doubts about my self-worth reeling through my mind triggered by the tears of my newborn baby. This reaction to heavy emotions is hereditary. It is what we were taught by our parents when we were infants. When we cried, we felt them close off, we felt them get insecure and upset and frustrated. When you are an infant, and you feels your parents pull back... it feels like life or death... Like your survival is at stake. Of COURSE, we are going to to supress our emotions.
These unhealthy reactions to emotions are developed at an age where we can't even consciously remember. Our reactions to heavy feelings are embedded deep into our subconscious.. Good thing our kids are here to pull them out.
The best thing we can do to heal both ourselves and our children? Work through our own resistance to certain emotions so that we can allow them to flow, so that we don't force our kids into that same burying of our emotions that we've been doing since we were there age.
I could feel his crying triggering and pulling to the surface so many of my own, unhealthy thoughts and feelings. I had to constantly anchor myself into the loving energy that I needed to be in to support and hold space for Echo. Annoyance, fear, frustration, feelings of not being good enough, feelings of being "bad" and "impure"... they were ALL pulled to the surface and forced to be let go so that I could hold space for my son..
It was amazing. Through his "colicy fit" came so much good. I was able to heal, he was able to heal... and we were both able to grow and strengthen our own realtionship. I was able to put my feelings aside and really step up and be there for him as a mother. Realtionships grow most when things are hard, when things are not comfortbale. Anyone will be around when things are good, but I got to show my Echo that I was going to be there for him even when things weren't good.